Avid Editor's Insights

Jihadi Jokes

Posted by avideditor on March 22, 2010

HT DJMartyr

Q: What’s the difference between a Jihadi and a dead horse?
A. It’s no fun beating a dead horse.

Q. What’s the difference between an American BBQ and an Jihadi BBQ?
A. In America, Humans roast animals over a fire. In Islam, it’s the other way around.

adapted from here

Q. What do you call a Jihadi who owns a camel and a goat?
A. Bisexual.

Q. How do Jihadis practice safe sex?
A. They mark the camels that kick.

Q. What do Tehran and Hiroshima have in common?
A. Nothing, yet.

Q. What do you call a Jihadi who owns 6 goats?
A. A pimp.

Q: How do you tell a Sunni from a Shiite?

A: The Sunnis are the ones with the Shiite blown out of them.

Q. What’s the hardest part about a Muslim killing his own daughter?
A. Suppressing the erection.

Q: How can you tell if a Jihadi girl is old enough to marry?
A: Make her stand in a barrel. If her chin is over the top, she’s old enough. If it isn’t, cut the barrel down until her chin is over the top.

Q. What’s the difference between a Jihadi and a vampire?
A. At some point the vampire will stop being bloodthirsty.

A Jihadi walks into his local mosque with a big grin on his face.

“What are you so happy about, Abdul?” Asks the Imam.

“Well, I’ll tell you,” replies Abdul. “I live by the railroad tracks and on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the rails, like in the American movies. I cut her free and took her back to my humble abode. Allah be praised – we made love all night, all around the tent. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, every position permitted by Mohammed, Peace Be Upon Him!”

“By the most Merciful,” exclaimed the Imam, “you have been blessed. Was she as beautiful as a desert flower?”

Abdul grimaced, “By the Jinn, I do not know – I never found her head.”

Q. Why are there only 2 pallbearers at a Jihadi funeral?
A. There’s only 2 handles on a garbage can.

Q. What do you say to a Pakistani at Christmas?
A. A quart of milk, a loaf of bread and a pack of Marlboros please.

Q. What do you call a bus with 2 Somalis falling off a cliff?
A. A waste, you could have fit at least 50 in the bus!

Q. When’s the only time you should wink at a Jihadi?
A. When aiming.


Reports say the stench from the thousands of bodies in Pakistan is unbearable. Police report that it’s likely to get worse now that there are dead ones.

Q. What can Saudi Arabia do to raise the average IQ in the country?
A. Allow Jews to come in.

A Russian, a Cuban, an Englishman and a Pakistani are on a train.

The Russian takes out a bottle of his best vodka, drinks a bit and throws the rest off the train and says, “There’s plenty more of that where I come from.”

Everyone is impressed. The Cuban takes out one of the finest Havana cigars, takes one puff and throws it off the train and says, “There’s plenty more of those where I come from.”

Again everyone is rather impressed. So the Englishman stands up and throws the Pakistani off the train.

Q: What’s the difference between Dar al-islam and Dannon yogurt?
A: The yogurt has a living culture.

Q. What do you say to a Jihadi with his arm all the way up a camel’s rump?
A. “Having car trouble?”

Q. What’s the difference between Cindy Sheehan and a terrorist enemy?
A. I don’t know either.

Q. What’s the difference between Michael Moore and a one ton CARE package?
A. Michael Moore, if sliced real thin, can feed a larger Afghan village.

hole in the ground toilet
Hole in ground toilet

A Pakistani comes to America and begins working for the ACLU but is unfamiliar with American advances in toiletry. On his first day on the job he comes back from the men’s room saying he can’t find any hole in the ground. His boss explains how American plumbing works and sends the Pakistani back.

A few minutes later, a loud, blood-curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream shakes the office walls. His boss runs into the bathroom to investigate why he’s screaming.

mop bucketThe Pakistani replies, “I am just sitting here on the toilet like you instructed to do and every time I am making to flush, something comes up and squeezes dearly on my poor testicles.”

His boss looks at what he’s sitting on and says, “You idiot. You’re sitting on the mop bucket!”

A Jihadi father catches his son masturbating. He says, “Don’t do that my son, or Allah will strike you blind.” The child says, “Abu, I’m over here.”

Q: How do you get a Jihadi woman pregnant?
A: Dress her up as a

Did you hear the one about the Jihadi who won a Nobel Prize in Mathematics?
Neither did I.

Q. How many jihadis does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. What’s toilet paper?

Q. What do Jihadi men do during foreplay?
A. Tickle the goat under the chin.

Here are a few tasteless jokes even al-Qaeda can appreciate:

Q. How many Muslim extremists will it take to destroy America?
A. None, American Liberals can do it all by themselves, thank you.

Did you hear about the prostitute who came out of a bar and was stoned? She didn’t survive.

Did you hear about the greatest bash they ever had in Bali? Everyone was bombed. (this last one makes Bin Laden roll on the floor, piss in his robe, and kiss his goat)

Mohammed heard one of his wives was leaving him, so he rushed home where he found her on the carpet in front of the tent with her belongings; he sat beside her and said, “I heard you were planning to leave me?”

She replied, “Yes, I heard your other wives saying you were a pedophile!”

Mohammed thinks for a minute or so and then responds, “that’s a mighty big word for a 6 year old.”

Q. How did the Jihadi adulteress cross the road?
A. She was dragged by her feet, kicking and screaming, then she was stoned to death by a baying lynch-mob of brainwashed psychopaths.

Q. Did you hear the one about the violent 53 year-old paedophile?
A. Yes. He is revered by one fifth of the world’s population as the one who started the world’s most intolerant, repressive, misogynistic and violent religion.

Adapted from here

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