President Obama Signs New Hate-Crime Bill, “Hate-Crimes” Magically Cease

Crossposted from http://paranoidpyro8503.blogspot.com/2009/11/president-obama-signs-new-hate-crime.html

Yes folks, good news from this past week: Our long, national nightmare is over. President Barack Hussein Obama (Mmm, Mmm, Mmm) signed the Matthew Shepard-James Byrd Jr. Hate-Crimes Prevention Act on Wednesday. The bill is named after 2 men, Matthew Shepard-a homosexual who was beaten to death because he was gay, according to his attackers; and James Byrd Jr.- the black man who was dragged to death by 3 men in Texas. Both murders occured back in 1998.

To loud applause, Obama hailed the hate crimes measure in the bill as a step toward change to “help protect our citizens from violence based on what they look like, who they love, how they pray.”

Well how could anybody possibly be against that, you ungrateful peons? Why, up until now, people have not been protected from hate crimes. Just ask any cop, they’ll tell you how they’re told at orientation not to prevent hate crimes, only regular crimes. Hate crime victims recieve none of the protections that the rest of us get. Well, they used to anyway, before our President finally made a law protecting certain groups from violence. But don’t get the wrong idea now, don’t you white, Christian males then you’ll get any protection from being targetted because of your how you look, who you love, and how you pray, you evil opressors you.

Of course, what nobody ever mentions is that of the 5 men involved in these 2 cases, all are either serving mulitiple life sentences or on death row. I’m not really sure how adding a hate-crime charge to the end would make things worse for them, but then again I don’t fully understand the “feel good but do nothing” liberal mentality.

But, of course, who better to put forth the most straighforward reality of hate-crimes than Matt Stone and Trey Parker of South Park?

In the words of a radio personality I enjoy around here, Mike McConnell, “I don’t remember ever hearing about somebody beating somebody else with a 2×4 out of love, it was always out of hate.”